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Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other

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On Tue, 14 Dec 2021 16:51:45 GMT, djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J
Heydt) wrote:

>In article <b6fhrg5tsdjvvp3ms0o6ce90c8ilovbsi8@4ax.com>,
>Capuchin  <Capuchin@jymes.com> wrote:
>>On Tue, 14 Dec 2021 14:38:58 GMT, djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J
>>Heydt) wrote:
>>
>>>In article <8a1grg1jfad685lmlmaatv1mumofegsvbq@4ax.com>,
>>>Capuchin  <Capuchin@jymes.com> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>The blackjack dealer slid a card from the shoe to the square in front
>>>>of me and then took one for herself. My other knew I had a queen and
>>>>she a six, but to maintain my disguise as a normal person, I lifted
>>>>the corner of mine for a quick peek. The next cards, dealt face up,
>>>>were an eight for me and a jack for her. 
>>>> [Snip]
>>>>
>>>>What would you do different?
>>>> 
>>>Well: is this the opening of the story, or an extract from later?
>>>If it's an extract, perhaps you'd want to introduce "my other" in
>>>some not-too-explain-y way.  Appparent they can sense predetermined
>>>order, which exists in the present, but can't predict random
>>>actions that will happen in the future?  (This almost makes
>>>sense.)
>>>
>>>I am handicapped in this discussion by knowing damn-all about
>>>blackjack--it is blackjack, isn't it?
>>>
>>>Possibly an opening paragraph might help, on the order of
>>>
>>>"We walked into the casino, my other and I.  I heard the rattle
>>>of dice, the nervous chatter of voices, smelled high-quality
>>>booze and cheap perfume.  But my other fed me the order of cards
>>>in the deck, one deck becoming clear as it finished its last
>>>shuffle, and [whatever else the other can see because it exists
>>>in the present.]"
>>>
>>>But it's an interesting concept.  Go with it.
>>
>>This is the opening.Yes, it's blackjack. You draw cards until you're
>>as high as possible without going over 21, and then whoever has the
>>highest hand wins. In casinos, the dealer has to stand on 17 and above
>>and draw on 16 or less.
>>
>>One problem I've had is making sure there's no hint of another
>>person/body involved, as in "significant other." I've learned that if
>>a reader gets an idea there are two people, nothing will shake it
>>loose. Even when told, by other characters' statements/actions they
>>see only one person, the reader will still think there are two, but
>>maybe one is a ghost, or invisible, or . . .
>>
>>I considered: ". . .  My other way of seeing showed I had a queen . .
>>.," . . . "My unseen other eyeball looked through the cards . . .,"
>>and . . . "My magic-induced other sight showed . . .," but nothing
>>along these lines feels right.
>>
>>That he only sees things that are fixed adds, I think, on two
>>different levels. It prevents him from being omniscient (and leading a
>>perfect life), and it makes him wonder if there are people whose
>>others can see the future (he doesn't know the source of his 'gift').
>>
>>There might be a later scene with him in a non-casino card game. He
>>knows the next card will give him a full house, but what he's dealt is
>>different. He instantly knows his opponent is dealing seconds, but he
>>can't call him out on it ("I psychically knew what my next card would
>>be" won't win you any friends at the poker table) .
>>
>No, I don't think so.  I think your phrase "my other" works in
>part *because* your viewpoint character doesn't specify what
>their other is; we only see it doing its thing.
>
>I still think a very short introduction showing the other doing
>their thing, observing the present of one or more card decks
>before the protagonist is in the throes of the game, might make a
>smoother entrance into the story.

Maybe . . .

The thing, to me, is it isn't all that extraordinary. Not like
transforming into the Hulk or turning into a pillar of fire. It's just
limited precognition. As such, it isn't exciting to read (or write)
about.

Also, Watching card games  isn't particularly interesting. Yes, I know
there are popular reality shows about poker, but in those (I
understand) they focus on the interaction and tension between players,
not just on which cards are flipped. 

Just a sudden thought -- if you mean opening in the viewpoint of the
other . . . I don't see the other as an entity in and of itself. It'd
be on the level of showing what his liver is thinking and doing about
the anticipation of handling the cheap vodka he'll be drinking. 

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Thread

[Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-13 20:58 -0600
  Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-14 14:38 +0000
    Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 10:27 -0600
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-14 16:51 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 18:27 -0600
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Don <g@crcomp.net> - 2021-12-14 17:29 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 18:32 -0600
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Joy Beeson <jbeeson@invalid.net.invalid> - 2021-12-18 22:48 -0500
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-22 18:00 -0600
  Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Titus G <noone@nowhere.com> - 2021-12-15 06:59 +1300
    Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 18:34 -0600
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-15 01:20 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-15 16:00 -0600
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-16 02:03 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Titus G <noone@nowhere.com> - 2021-12-16 15:37 +1300
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-16 16:37 -0600
    Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other BCFD36 <bcfd36@cruzio.com> - 2021-12-15 16:27 -0800
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-15 19:03 -0600
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other "Gary R. Schmidt" <grschmidt@acm.org> - 2021-12-16 13:10 +1100
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-16 16:35 -0600

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