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Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other

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On Wed, 15 Dec 2021 01:20:23 GMT, djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J
Heydt) wrote:

>
>Oh, no.  It's perfectly intelligible prose.
>
>Now go write the rest of it.

Thanks for the kind words.

The next bit is a little tricky. I've started it several times and
have been increasingly unhappy with each one.

Next scene:
When he leaves the casino, he's walking down the street and sees a car
door open right in front of him. The problem is, it's his other that
sees it half a minute before it happens. That's not right. He first
confuses it with what he's actually seeing, then realizes the door is
still actually closed. For his other to see it, it has to be a fixed
event, not something subject to human or electronic intervention.

He's so confused by this, he almost runs into it when it does open. A
beautiful woman apologizes as she starts to get out, while his mind is
still turning over why someone would put a door on a mechanical timer.

Writing confused/befuddled character thoughts is not one of my strong
points. In fact, on a normal scale of one to ten, it ranks as an
irrational negative number.

Sometimes it turns out as word salad. Other times like an excerpt from
a tech manual on magical curses, their care, methodology, and
breeding. In the end, it always needs a certain touch, and I need to
keep searching for that elusive wisp.

It doesn't help that I insulted Erato when I wouldn't put in a pun
which required familiarity with Greek Mythology, Norse Rune, and the
third episode of Firefly, so she's off in a snit and won't help at
all.   

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Thread

[Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-13 20:58 -0600
  Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-14 14:38 +0000
    Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 10:27 -0600
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-14 16:51 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 18:27 -0600
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Don <g@crcomp.net> - 2021-12-14 17:29 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 18:32 -0600
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Joy Beeson <jbeeson@invalid.net.invalid> - 2021-12-18 22:48 -0500
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-22 18:00 -0600
  Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Titus G <noone@nowhere.com> - 2021-12-15 06:59 +1300
    Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 18:34 -0600
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-15 01:20 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-15 16:00 -0600
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-16 02:03 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Titus G <noone@nowhere.com> - 2021-12-16 15:37 +1300
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-16 16:37 -0600
    Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other BCFD36 <bcfd36@cruzio.com> - 2021-12-15 16:27 -0800
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-15 19:03 -0600
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other "Gary R. Schmidt" <grschmidt@acm.org> - 2021-12-16 13:10 +1100
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-16 16:35 -0600

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