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Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other

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On 14/12/21 3:58 pm, Capuchin wrote:
> Something I'm trying to work on, but doubts keep overriding my
> efforts:
> 
> *****
> 
> The blackjack dealer slid a card from the shoe to the square in front
> of me and then took one for herself. My other knew I had a queen and
> she a six, but to maintain my disguise as a normal person, I lifted
> the corner of mine for a quick peek. The next cards, dealt face up,
> were an eight for me and a jack for her. 
> 
> I felt a sinking disgust. My other knew the next card in the shoe was
> a three. If I took it, I'd win with twenty-one. But who hits on
> eighteen? If I passed, her sixteen became nineteen, and she'd sweep my
> bet from the table. 
> 
> I waved off another card and sat back, waiting for the inevitable.
> Technically, I was ahead, but only about two thousand for almost an
> hour of bad hand after bad hand that nothing could make right. 
> 
> My other knew four face cards waited to be dealt next, another push,
> taking more minutes to neither win nor lose. I could force my other to
> see the cards beyond that, to see if there might be a streak of good
> luck waiting, but even after all my practice in front of a mirror, I
> always look like I'm constipated when I do that. Instead, I pushed a
> fifty dollar chip towards the dealer, downed the last of the melted
> ice in my glass, stood, smiled, and picked up my rack of chips. "Maybe
> tomorrow," I said and walked away without listening to her reply.
> 
> The only way out of the casino was past the craps tables and row after
> row of slot machines. Since they relied on last-moment chance, rather
> than being preordained, both were immune to my other. I could know
> only things that were, not things that will be.
> 
> *****
> 
> I don't want to capitalize 'other' or call it 'the other' because that
> seems trite. Does it work this way?

For me, yes.

> I also don't want to do an "as you know, Bob" about its traits and
> peculiarities, and/or what he does to keep it hidden. Is the idea here
> as plain as I would like to think it is?
> 
> What would you do different?

Nothing. It worked brilliantly for me on first read.

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[Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-13 20:58 -0600
  Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-14 14:38 +0000
    Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 10:27 -0600
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-14 16:51 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 18:27 -0600
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Don <g@crcomp.net> - 2021-12-14 17:29 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 18:32 -0600
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Joy Beeson <jbeeson@invalid.net.invalid> - 2021-12-18 22:48 -0500
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-22 18:00 -0600
  Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Titus G <noone@nowhere.com> - 2021-12-15 06:59 +1300
    Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-14 18:34 -0600
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-15 01:20 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-15 16:00 -0600
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J Heydt) - 2021-12-16 02:03 +0000
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Titus G <noone@nowhere.com> - 2021-12-16 15:37 +1300
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-16 16:37 -0600
    Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other BCFD36 <bcfd36@cruzio.com> - 2021-12-15 16:27 -0800
      Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-15 19:03 -0600
        Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other "Gary R. Schmidt" <grschmidt@acm.org> - 2021-12-16 13:10 +1100
          Re: [Crit] and discussion -- My Other Capuchin <Capuchin@jymes.com> - 2021-12-16 16:35 -0600

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