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Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot

Cross-posted to 4 groups.

Followups directed to: alt.usenet.kooks

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On Sat, 30 Jun 2012 00:33:38 +0000, [Tor] Friendly Neighborhood Vote
Wrangler wrote:

> The voting starts now for the June 2012 Kook Awards.
> 
> Keep in mind that the voting process will go on for the entire month of
> July, with the results being announced on or about 31 July 2012.
> 
> Invite your friends, and cross-post the Offishul AUK Voting Roster to
> your favorite haunts. Let's see if we can't get it cross-posted to at
> least 1000 higher-volume froups, mmmkay?
> 
> After all, we want to send the old guard out with a bang. Or at least
> with a swift kick to the ass.
> 
> Socks are encouraged to vote. In fact, the sockpuppeteer who can prove
> his socks contributed the most to the voting process will receive a
> special commendation by decree of the FNVW.
> 
> For your vote to count, you must post the entire, unaltered Offishul
> Voting Ballot, in this thread. All other ballots shall be dealt with as
> the FNVW sees fit.
> 
> The roster below is a bit different than you're used to seeing. I shall
> endeavor to explain the voting process to you now.
> 
> Unlike the old, stale kook awards, the new kook awards lists each person
> up for an award, then what awards they're up for. This makes it easier
> to vote only for those kooks you've been following.
> 
> Notice the box '[ ]' to the left of each award. If you enter a '+' in
> that box, that's a vote in the positive. A '-' in that box represents a
> vote in the negative. Leaving the box blank represents an abstention.
> 
> The boxes with the 'X' are FNVW decreed awards, and thus are not
> eligible to be voted on, as they've already been awarded. Changing these
> has no effect.
> 
> Tell your friends, tell your enemies. Vote early, vote often.
> 
> ================================================== Bit
> [X]= Offishul AUK Comedian; by FNVW decree 25Jun2012
> 
> Bit Rot
> [X]= Offishul AUK Ball Polisher; by FNVW decree 22Jun2012 [ ]= Pathetic
> Anal Pineapple Award; Nominated by Anon; Second by Janithor.
> 
> Checkmate
> [X]= Checkmate "Trapped In The Closet" Award; by FNVW decree; Second by
> The Second Sock.

[+]= Clueless Newbie Of The Month Award; Nominated by Anonymous; Second
by DAVE TV.

Absolutely.

[+]= Gay-Married Husband For Rent Award; Nominated by Ms. Kitty; Second
by FNVW.

And ass-reamed by *persent*, of all people. He has *kooks* that are his 
superiors in every respect, and incessantly-starts-all-caps-threads-
hourly type kooks at that.

> [X]= Offishul AUK Rectal Bottle Opener; by FNVW decree 22Jun2012 [X]=
> Offishul AUK AssClown; by FNVW decree 22Jun2012
> 
> Emmett Gulley

[+]= Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog-Whistle Award; Trainer of Albatross;
Nominated by Janithor; second by DAVE TV.

Absofrigginglutely.

[-]= Hammer of Thor Award;
Nominated by DAVE TV; Second by Anonymous, Janithor.

Come on. Take Thor a *bit* more seriously. :)

> Fred Hall

[+]= Kook of the Month Award; Nominated by Janithor; Second by Phoenix,
DAVE TV.

Are you kidding?

[+]= The Office of Usenet Drunk; Nominated by DAVE TV; Second by
Janithor.

Again: are you kidding?

[+]= Tinfoil Sombrero Award; Nominated by Janithor; Second by
DAVE TV.

Self-evident, I should say.

> Highway to Hell
> [X]= Offishul AUK Prognosticator; by FNVW decree 25Jun2012
> 
> Irkin Invader Zim / cainster@windstream.net / Frank Drebbin [X]=
> Offishul AUK Stubborn, DeLULsional Idiot; by FNVW decree 26Jun2012
> 
> kachina candente (aka Shiny)
> [X]= Offishul AUK Dirty Slut; by FNVW decree 20Jun2012
> 
> Keeper of Truth
> [X]= Offishul AUK Congenital Liar And Genital Washer; by FNVW decree
> 20Jun2012
> 
> Knoxy
> [ ]= Knoxy Master Emasculator Award; Emasculator of Checkmate; Nominated
> by Persent; Second by FNVW.

Who?

> Murphy/phhlatArse/Flash/etc.

[+]= Busted Urinal Award; Nominated by Ahnold; Second by The Second
Sock.

Pee-yew, phlatArse! You let one! You let one too many! You let a few 
thousand too many.

[+]= Drama Queen Award; Nominated by Ahnold; Second by The Second
Sock.

As a witness to the extraordinary temper tantrum he threw in eternal-
september.support AGAIN the other day, I approve this candidate. And now 
the coward's taken to forging regulars' "From" headers to throw his 
tantrums too. But I'd recognize his foul stench anywhere.

[+]= Emmett Gulley Obsesso Award; Nominated by Ahnold; Second by
The Second Sock.

I've never seen anyone so obsessed. You can't take two steps on usenet 
these days without tripping over a long and pointless thread punctuated 
by multiple of his socks and the name "derbyshire". :P And these pop up 
in the darndest of places. Besides eternal-september.support, in 
rec.arts.tv, rec.arts.sf.tv, comp.lang.java programmer at minimum. Not to 
mention auk, though he seems to be posting here less of late -- I wonder 
why? >;-)

[-]= Goofy Azzed Baboon Award; Nominated by Ahnold; Second by The Second
Sock.

Nah. I've seen much more mangled language from, for instance, ALIEN. Or 
even tholen. He might have been a contender a couple years ago during his 
phlatArse phase, though, had he ever been nominated.

[+]= Order of the Holey Sockpuppet Award; Nominated by Ahnold; Second by
The Second Sock.

Dweeb's changing nym sometimes two, three times a day now! And keeping 
several going at a time. "Hydra-Blanky" is currently the longest lived in 
use -- at a whole frigging WEEK of age.

And despite their youth, there's something ... dirty about each and every 
one of his socks.

Of course, his chief opponent, the "Murphy Foam Detoxification Squad", is 
probably a single person nymshifting, and if so is nymshifting just as 
much, but hey, he wasn't nominated and murphy was. >;-)

[+]= Unabomber Surprise Award; Nominated by Ahnold; Second by The Second
Sock.

Textwall-a-day based on what I've seen. And now he's taken to giant 
screed-filled ranting sigs too, a sure sign he's begun his final 
evolution into an Omega Kook of the same magnitude as Greegor and Kent 
Wills and all those others with a giant list of someone else's alleged 
crimes peppered with dozens of dubious weblinks for a sig.

> pandora
> [ ]= Clueless Newbie Of The Month Award; Nominated by FNVW; Second by
> Janithor, The Second Sock.
> [X]= Offishul AUK Antique; by FNVW decree 22Jun2012
>
> Persent

Oh, what the hell.

[+]= Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog-Whistle Award; Trainer of Checkmate;
Nominated by Janithor; Second by javax.swing.JSnarker

> Steve Crook
> [ ]= Gene Spafford "Usenet Samaritan" Award; Nominated by Account
> Banned; Second by FNVW, Cujo DeSockpuppet.
> 
> This account has been banned because it violated the Google Groups Terms
> Of Use
> [X]= Offishul AUK Spankling; by FNVW decree 25Jun2012
>
> tholen

[+]= Pavlov's Bell Lifetime Achievement Award; Nominated by Ahnold;
Second by The Second Sock.

That's one well-trained kook. All of Usenet should win the Barbara 
Woodhouse jointly for training it, too.

> Yours Truly,Johnny Dollar

[+]= Blistered Ass Award; Nominated by FNVW; Second by The Second Sock.

Uh-huh. Only because Arfatzio isn't up for this one, though.

[-]= Clueless Newbie Of The Month Award; Nominated by FNVW; Second by
Janithor.

Must give Checkmate every chance here. Sorry, Dollar.

> [X]= Offishul AUK Coward; by FNVW decree 20Jun2012 [X]= Offishul AUK
> Sniffer Of A Drunkard's Yeasty Crotch; by FNVW decree 25Jun2012

And now, for the pièce de résistance:

[+]= Pathetic Anal Pineapple Award; Nominated by FNVW; Second by The
Second Sock, Janithor.

And how.

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Thread

Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot Nadegda <nad318b404@gmail.invalid> - 2012-07-09 07:50 +0000
  Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot thoolen <tholen01@gmail.com> - 2012-07-09 03:05 -0700
    Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot "tholen@antispam.ham" <tholen@ifa.hawaii.edu> - 2012-07-09 03:59 -0700
      Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot thoolen <tholen01@gmail.com> - 2012-07-09 04:28 -0700
        Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot "tholen@antispam.ham" <tholen@ifa.hawaii.edu> - 2012-07-09 16:53 -0700
  Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot "tholen@antispam.ham" <tholen@ifa.hawaii.edu> - 2012-07-09 03:56 -0700
    Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot Nadegda <nad318b404@gmail.invalid> - 2012-07-09 11:07 +0000
      Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot "tholen@antispam.ham" <tholen@ifa.hawaii.edu> - 2012-07-09 04:15 -0700
        NOMINATION: tholen for Clueless Newbie (was Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot) Nadegda <nad318b404@gmail.invalid> - 2012-07-09 11:21 +0000
          Re: NOMINATION: Nadegda for Clueless Newbie (was Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot) "tholen@antispam.ham" <tholen@ifa.hawaii.edu> - 2012-07-09 16:52 -0700
            Re: NOMINATION: tholen for Clueless Newbie (was Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot) Nadegda <nad318b404@gmail.invalid> - 2012-07-10 12:21 +0000
              Re: NOMINATION: tholen for Clueless Newbie (was Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot) "tholen@antispam.ham" <tholen@ifa.hawaii.edu> - 2012-07-10 06:00 -0700
                Re: NOMINATION: tholen for Clueless Newbie (was Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot) Nadegda <nad318b404@gmail.invalid> - 2012-07-10 13:47 +0000
                Re: NOMINATION: tholen for Clueless Newbie (was Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot) "tholen@antispam.ham" <tholen@ifa.hawaii.edu> - 2012-07-10 13:41 -0700
                Re: NOMINATION: tholen for Clueless Newbie (was Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot) Nadegda <nad318b404@gmail.invalid> - 2012-07-10 21:50 +0000
                Re: NOMINATION: tholen for Clueless Newbie (was Re: JUNE 2012 KOOK AWARDS - Offishul Voting Ballot) "tholen@antispam.ham" <tholen@ifa.hawaii.edu> - 2012-07-11 05:46 -0700

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