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| From | nebusj-@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus) |
|---|---|
| Newsgroups | rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k |
| Subject | MiSTed: The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit, Chapter 14 (1 / 1) |
| Date | 2025-11-27 07:12 +0000 |
| Organization | PANIX Public Access Internet and UNIX, NYC |
| Message-ID | <10g8tkl$7a9$1@reader2.panix.com> (permalink) |
Cross-posted to 3 groups.
>
>
>
>
> [Illustration: 14 Boy Lost!]
JOEL: The junior adaptation of Lost.
>
> Chapter 14
>
> Boy Lost!
TOM: Isn't that a boy right there?
>
>
> Poor Mrs. Rabbit didn't know what to do.
CROW: Ever since she moved into that shoe and had so many children.
> Her son
> Jimmy had not been home since early morning; and she was sure
> he was lost.
TOM: Don't be hasty. He might still be hard at work on the painting backlog.
> She hurried through the woods, looking for him
> everywhere.
JOEL: She should go to the last place she looks. I bet she finds him there.
> But not a trace of him could she find. No one had
> seen him.
CROW: Even his 'brother' was of no help.
>
> At last Mrs. Rabbit happened to meet Jasper Jay.
TOM: At Lambeau Field.
>
> "Have you seen Jimmy?" she asked.
CROW: [ As Jasper ] I know! I couldn't believe it either!
>
> "Yes!" he said. "Right after breakfast I saw him
> hurrying along the road by the river.
TOM: Is this a human road or an animal road?
JOEL: It's the animal river.
> The circus has made camp
> there.
CROW: Sure, let's go with that.
> And I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he ran away to
> it," he added very cheerfully.
TOM: [ As Jasper ] As long as his brother is staying around I'm good!
JOEL: [ As Mrs Rabbit ] Oh not more of *this*.
>
> When Mrs. Rabbit heard that she was terribly upset.
>
> "Oh, dear! Oh, dear!" she cried. "Whatever shall I
> do?"
CROW: Who will wheelbarrow things out of the dooryard?
>
> "The usual thing," Jasper Jay told her, "is to offer
> a reward."
JOEL: [ As Mrs Rabbit ] Why does a dooryard need a reward?
CROW: [ As Jasper ] Is this a koan? Is the answer 'mu'?
>
> "Is that so?" said Mrs. Rabbit. "I've never done
> anything like that. Will you help me?"
TOM: Wait a minute, is Mrs Rabbit talking Jasper into rewarding her for losing Jimmy?
CROW: She is surprisingly slick.
>
> "Why, certainly!" said Jasper. And he set to work and
> painted a big sign,
TOM: Jimmy just introduced painting to the animal world two weeks ago and it's changed *everything*.
> which looked like this:
>
> LOST, STRAYED, OR STOLEN!
JOEL: Now that's not exactly the sign, but it was something like that.
CROW: Strayed?
>
> A boy in a checkered suit,
TOM: [ Movie announcer voice ] A woman with a checkered past.
> with a short tail and long
> ears. He answers to the name of Jimmy Rabbit.
CROW: [ As Jimmy ] Aw, Mom! I told everyone to call my Jimmanthus the Magnificent!
> A reward will
> be paid for his return, and no questions asked.
JOEL: So you can return him without being quizzed on the starting lineup for the '92 Denver Nuggets.
> MRS. RABBIT,
> Near the Big Pine Tree.
TOM: Oh, they have lost-and-found posters but not street addresses.
>
> "There!" said Jasper Jay, proudly. "That ought to
> fetch him, if anything will."
CROW: Or you could try looking?
> And he and Mrs. Rabbit took the
> sign down to the road and hung it on a fence-post.
TOM: How Jimmy will outwit *this* we can't imagine.
>
> "Why do you say 'No questions asked'?" she inquired.
JOEL: [ As Groucho ] I'm sorry, that's a question, you'll have to wait for new business.
>
> "That's the way it's always done," said Jasper.
CROW: What experience is Jasper drawing from?
>
> Now, it was almost as Jasper Jay had thought.
JOEL: It turns out it's always *some* questions asked.
TOM: Yeah, but they're small-talk questions like, 'can you believe this weather?' and 'what do you think of the Perdicaris Affair?'.
> Jimmy
> Rabbit was at the circus' camp. But he hadn't been stolen.
> He was skulking about, as near the sideshow as he dared to go.
CROW: Lest they pull in a painting rabbit.
TOM: Is he wearing spats? I feel like he should be wearing spats.
> And he was so interested in what he saw that he had entirely
> forgotten to go home to dinner.
TOM: He's a rabbit, can't he just grab a handful of grass and snack on that?
> But late in the afternoon he
> began to have such a queer feeling in his stomach that he
> remembered then that he had had nothing to eat since
> breakfast.
JOEL: [ As Jimmy ] Oh if only they had invented pizza on a bagel so I could have pizza anytime!
> And he started off up the road, towards home.
>
> You can imagine how surprised he was when he stopped
> and read Jasper Jay's sign.
CROW: [ As Jimmy ] Did they even try looking? I'm like fifteen minutes up the only road in town?
> As soon as he had read it a
> second time he decided that he had better hurry home a little
> faster.
TOM: This is going to be a bigger scandal than the leap-frog!
> For he could see that his mother was worried.
CROW: Going to have to call on that skunk he gave the May basket to, to cover for him.
>
> So Jimmy jumped through the fence and went hopping
> across the meadow.
JOEL: Mister MacGregor puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head, sighing.
> Soon he was home again; and Mrs. Rabbit
> was hugging him and asking him where he had been and what he
> had been doing.
TOM: Oh, you know, the usual, taking Mr Mink's severed tail, tricking people into wheelbarrowing for him, fooling people into thinking his brother is watching the footrace. Rabbit stuff.
>
> Jimmy was just going to tell her. But he happened to
> think that when his mother learned that he had been at the
> circus' camp all day she might not be pleased.
CROW: [ As Jimmy ] What if I take my mistake and do something stupid on top of it? It's perfect!
> And then he
> remembered that sign.
JOEL: I'm supposed to bunt? With two outs and a runner on first?!
>
> "Why don't you answer me?" Mrs. Rabbit asked.
TOM: [ As Jimmy ] Well, I ---
> "You'd
> better speak up at once.
TOM: [ As Jimmy ] I was just ---
> Where have you been?"
TOM: [ As Jimmy ] And the survivors needed ---
>
> "But the sign said 'No questions asked'!" Jimmy
> reminded her.
>
> When she heard that, Mrs. Rabbit gasped.
CROW: [ As Mrs Rabbit ] My only son has learned of loopholes?!
>
> "Yes!" Jimmy went on. "And it said 'A reward will be
> paid for his return'!"
JOEL: [ As Jimmy ] So here's your ear of corn and tooth for my return.
>
> Mrs. Rabbit gasped again. She saw that Jasper Jay had
> got her into trouble.
TOM: Mister Rabbit always told Mrs Rabbit not to sign anything he didn't read first.
> It seemed to her that it would be very
> hard to have to pay a reward to her own son.
CROW: What if you gave a reward to Uncle Jerry Chuck?
> But Mrs. Rabbit
> was a person who always kept her word.
JOEL: Her word was 'lugubrious' and she never let anyone else say it.
>
> "Well," she said, "what do you want?"
TOM: [ As Jimmy ] Someone to explain how I won that race with the turtle because I *still* don't get what I did.
>
> "I think," Jimmy told her, "that I would like
> something to eat."
CROW: You can eat *anything* once, if you aren't a coward.
>
> "Then you didn't have your dinner at the circus," Mrs.
> Rabbit said.
TOM: Aw! That Mrs Rabbit, thinking of the only novelty in town.
>
> "No, Mother!" Jimmy answered, before he thought. So
> you see that Mrs. Rabbit found out where he had been, after
> all, even though she asked no questions.
CROW: Didn't she? I feel like saying you didn't have your dinner at the circus is a question.
TOM: No question mark, though, so I think the judges are going to rule it was a statement of fact.
>
> It is very hard to keep anything from one's mother.
JOEL: Mrs Rabbit *is* Columbo!
[ End of Chapter 14 ]
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------
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MiSTed: The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit, Chapter 14 (1 / 1) nebusj-@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus) - 2025-11-27 07:12 +0000
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