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Error-handling if your compiler had an attitude.

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  Error-handling if your compiler had an attitude. federation2005@netzero.com - 2014-12-29 13:51 -0800
    Re: Error-handling if your compiler had an attitude. glen herrmannsfeldt <gah@ugcs.caltech.edu> - 2014-12-30 02:57 +0000
    Re: Error-handling if your compiler had an attitude. Walter Banks <walter@bytecraft.com> - 2014-12-30 11:27 -0500
    Re: Error-handling if your compiler had an attitude. Gene Wirchenko <genew@telus.net> - 2014-12-30 13:13 -0800
    Re: Error-handling if your compiler had an attitude. Christophe de Dinechin <christophe.de.dinechin@gmail.com> - 2015-01-12 07:25 -0800

#1453 — Error-handling if your compiler had an attitude.

What if your compiler had an attitude problem? I was thinking of funny things
it could do for error-handling (maybe with a -X switch for GenX/Millennial
verbose output):

* It addresses you like "Dude! You boffed the syntax again." or the like.

* It tells you to get glasses if you keep missing semicolons [Note 1].

* If you use older or archaic style (particularly, deprecated stuff), it makes
fun of you and asks if you need help with your walker. [Note 2].

* When variables are spelled inconsistently, it recommends Sesame Street to
you for remedial assistance.

* When you forget to include declarations for built-in stuff, it pretends it's
never heard of the function, like "what's a 'printf' and why is the 'f'
there?"

* Other undeclared externals get replies like "What? Am I supposed to figure
out what my_func is by myself?"

* When there are too many errors, it may reply with "you're in way over your
head" or "are you sure you're using the right language?"

* It may also silently rack up error counts and afterwards ask, "There are
2015 errors. Would you like to see them all? Huh? Huh?"

* If you keep using keywords as your own variable names or other names, it
goes like "Stop that!" and threatens to delete or uninstall itself, maybe with
a menacing statement "I know where my home directory is." or "I hope you kept
backups of your installation files."

Notes:
[1] I have [pseudo-]myopia that can get as bad as 20-200 when I don't keep it
in check.

[2] I used to use a walker ... some time before the age of 1.
[I recall a few compilers a long time ago, like the 1970s, that tried
to be cute.  It was amusing for about 5 minutes, then annoying.
Also see http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/dec/29/facebook-apologises-over-cruel-year-in-review-clips
-John]

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#1454

federation2005@netzero.com wrote:
> What if your compiler had an attitude problem? I was thinking of funny things
> it could do for error-handling (maybe with a -X switch for GenX/Millennial
> verbose output):

> * It addresses you like "Dude! You boffed the syntax again." or the like.

> * It tells you to get glasses if you keep missing semicolons [Note 1].

> * If you use older or archaic style (particularly, deprecated stuff), it makes
> fun of you and asks if you need help with your walker. [Note 2].

(snip)

WYLBUR: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ORVYL_and_WYLBUR

has different messages that it prints on April 1st (or, at least, the
one I used to use had them) along similar lines.

-- glen

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#1455

A family friend was on the board of governors for a university in the
60's.  There was a tour of a new computer room (IBM1620) for the board
at the end of a meeting.

Being the only women on the board she was put front and center for
running of the never fail tour deck that failed. A error message had
been edited in a compiler to "F... off don't f... up" She was at our
house for diner that evening and described the "incident" for what it
was a harmless prank. A couple days later she had to calm down the
university president from his over reaction.

w..

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#1456

On Mon, 29 Dec 2014 13:51:06 -0800 (PST), federation2005@netzero.com
wrote:

>What if your compiler had an attitude problem? I was thinking of funny things
>it could do for error-handling (maybe with a -X switch for GenX/Millennial
>verbose output):

     HA!  I did something like this for an assignment in COBOL for
implementing an AirMiles-type program.  I had two versions of
messages, one in CorpSpeak and one in smart-alecky language.  For
example, the trademark messages were something like:

AirKloms is a trademark of BobCorp International, and we are a
licenced user of the mark.

AirKloms belongs to BobCorp.  We are in with the man.  You aren't.  Go
ahead, punk.  Make our lawyers rich.

Warning messages ended with either

- Continuing

or

- I'll try to cope.

     It was great fun!

     The messages need not be GenX/Millennial to snark.  Here are my
versions:

>* It addresses you like "Dude! You boffed the syntax again." or the like.

     "Were you a disappointment to your English teacher, too?"

>* It tells you to get glasses if you keep missing semicolons [Note 1].

     "Since you do not seem to like semicolons, you might try
JavaScript where they are optional."

>* If you use older or archaic style (particularly, deprecated stuff), it makes
>fun of you and asks if you need help with your walker. [Note 2].

     "It has been a while since I last compiled that type of
statement.  Let me check; it might be a valuable antique."

>* When variables are spelled inconsistently, it recommends Sesame Street to
>you for remedial assistance.

     "Either you have missing declarations or no dictionary."

>* When you forget to include declarations for built-in stuff, it pretends it's
>never heard of the function, like "what's a 'printf' and why is the 'f'
>there?"

     "Some compilers assume that you are so stupid that they need to
assume stuff for you.  I prefer to think that you know better, but I
am beginning to think that the other compilers may be right."

>* Other undeclared externals get replies like "What? Am I supposed to figure
>out what my_func is by myself?"

     "Mother says that I should not talk to strangers.  Please
introduce us."

>* When there are too many errors, it may reply with "you're in way over your
>head" or "are you sure you're using the right language?"

     "Computers are sensitive pieces of equipment.  Please have your
cat walk somewhere else."

     Mind you, C++ can do it all by itself with one error.  I once
forgot the parens around two calls in one statement and got over 100
error messages.  The compiler stopped, because it hit the maximum.

>* It may also silently rack up error counts and afterwards ask, "There are
>2015 errors. Would you like to see them all? Huh? Huh?"

     "There were rather a lot of errors in that code.  Which order
would you prefer that I present the error messages in, and would you
like the output bound or loose?"

>* If you keep using keywords as your own variable names or other names, it
>goes like "Stop that!" and threatens to delete or uninstall itself, maybe with
>a menacing statement "I know where my home directory is." or "I hope you kept
>backups of your installation files."

     "I do not think that word means what you think it means."

>[I recall a few compilers a long time ago, like the 1970s, that tried
>to be cute.  It was amusing for about 5 minutes, then annoying.

     Yes, it would be quite annoying, but not quite as bad as UNIX man
pages.  Too many that I saw "documented" error messages with the note
that they were self-explanatory.

>Also see http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/dec/29/facebook-apologises-over-cruel-year-in-review-clips
>-John]

     Ouch!

Sincerely,

Gene Wirchenko

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#1469

On Tuesday, December 30, 2014 at 12:11:54 AM UTC+1, federat...@netzero.com
wrote:
> What if your compiler had an attitude problem? I was thinking of funny
things
> it could do for error-handling (maybe with a -X switch for GenX/Millennial
> verbose output):

MPW C had a few interesting error messages. I ran into the "And the lord said"
one, looked into the compiler to find the others, and tried very hard to
figure out how to get "Huh ?". They are listed at
http://www.ralentz.com/old/mac/humor/mpw-c-errors.html, but I copied them
below for your convenience:

"String literal too long (I let you have 512 characters, that's 3 more than
ANSI said I should)"

"...And the lord said, `lo, there shall only be case or default labels inside
a switch statement'"

"a typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program"

"`Volatile' and `Register' are not miscible"

"This struct already has a perfectly good definition"

"Only one parameter per register please "

"type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines 10-11 (I know you
don't care, I'm just trying to annoy you)"

"This array has no size, and that's bad"

"Huh ?"

"can't go mucking with a `void *'"

"we already did this function"

"The target of this goto is a label in a block that has an automatic variable
with an initializer"

"This label is the target of a goto from outside of the block containing this
label AND this block has an automatic variable with an initializer AND your
window wasn't wide enough to read this whole error message"

"Call me paranoid but finding `/*' inside this comment makes me suspicious"

"This function has an explicit return type and deserves a return value"

"You are comparing two structures that have holes in them"

"Too many errors on one line (make fewer)"

"Symbol table full - fatal heap error; please go buy a RAM upgrade from your
local Apple dealer"

"Trailing comma not permitted in enum definition. (This time I'm letting you
off with a warning)"

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