Groups | Search | Server Info | Keyboard shortcuts | Login | Register [http] [https] [nntp] [nntps]

Groups > alt.tv.mst3k > #202

MiSTed: The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit, Chapter 15 (1 / 1)

Cross-posted to 3 groups.

Show all headers | View raw

> 
> 
> 
> 
>         [Illustration: 15 Telling Fortunes]

 JOEL: Telling For Tunes, with your host Tom Kennedy!  

> 
>         Chapter 15

  TOM: This is just chapter 3 times chapter 5 all over again!  We've seen it!  
 CROW: Joel, is this 'product placement'?

> 
>         Telling Fortunes

  TOM: Oh, like you can tell fortunes anything these days.  

> 
> 
>         At the circus' camp Jimmy Rabbit had seen something
> that was very interesting.

 CROW: We didn't mention it before because our narrative is episodic.  

>                            He had watched the sideshow telling
> fortunes. And he saw no reason why he should not become a
> fortune-teller himself.

 JOEL: If he knew how it would turn out, though ... 

>                         It looked easy enough. All you had to
> do was to hold the hand of the person whose fortune you were
> telling and say anything that came into your head.

  TOM: And Jimmie sure is one who knows how to hold a hand.   

>                                                    And you
> were paid for it, too! That was the best part of it all.

 CROW: Yes, you get paid in woodchuck teeth.  
 JOEL: D'oh!  

> 
>         As soon as he had eaten the lunch that his mother
> gave him,

  TOM: No questions asked.  

>           Jimmy skipped away to ask everyone he met if he
> wanted his fortune told.

 CROW: [ As Frisky Squirrel ] But why would I want to know *your* fortune?
 JOEL: [ As Jimmy ] Oh not this *again*.  


>                          And there wasn't a single person who
> didn't say "Yes!" at once.

  TOM: Except Louie the Mute Swan!  

> 
>         "All right!" Jimmy told everybody. "It will cost you
> one cabbage....

 JOEL: One cabbage for everybody in the valley!  Wow.  

>                 And you can find me under the big willow near
> the brook."

  TOM: You know this was the original inspiration for the Willowbrook Mall.  

> 
>         "I'll come along with you now," said Fatty Raccoon.
> "You can tell my fortune.

 CROW: I'm guessing it involves cookies.  

>                           And afterward I'll go down to
> Farmer Green's and get a cabbage for you."

 JOEL: He'll buy it with a used fortune.  

> 
>         "That won't do!" said Jimmy. "You'll have to give me
> the cabbage first."

 CROW: Fatty's head explodes at the idea of giving up food.  

> 
>         So Fatty hurried down the hill.

 JOEL: [ As Fatty ] I meant to do that!  

>                                         Never before had he
> seen so many of his neighbors in Farmer Green's garden.

  TOM: [ As Farmer Green ] This has all the makings of a run on the bank.  ... Wait a minute, I'm not a banker!  

>                                                         And
> they were all looking for cabbages. It was quite clear that
> Jimmy Rabbit was going to be very busy.

 CROW: Imagine if he liked cabbage.  

> 
>         Those who could run the fastest had their fortunes
> told first, for they were the ones that reached the big
> willow the soonest.

  ALL: OooooOOOooooooooh.
 JOEL: That seems fair.  

>                     And Mr. Fox was the quickest of all.

 CROW: Faster that Mr Crow?  I think *not*.
  TOM: We know.  

> 
>         Jimmy Rabbit looked at Mr. Fox's paw.

 JOEL: Fantastic!
 [ CROW turns to glare at TOM. ]

>                                               He wouldn't
> hold it, as he had seen the tellers hold the hands of the
> people who visited them,

 CROW: He's afraid of germs.  You know how it is.  

>                          for he never liked to get too near
> Mr. Fox. But Mr. Fox didn't know the difference.

  TOM: [ As Tommy Fox ] I do too!  I'm just *polite*!  

> 
>         "First I'll tell your _past_," Jimmy said.

 JOEL: [ As Tommy Fox ] Tell my past what?

> 
>         But Mr. Fox thought there was no sense in doing that.
> "I know all about my past," he said.

 CROW: He's read _the Tale of Tommy Fox_.  

> 
>         "Well, I'll tell your present, then," said Jimmy
> Rabbit.

 JOEL: [ As Tommy Fox ] I get a present too? 

> 
>         "Oh, that's silly!" Mr. Fox sneered. "You're telling
> my fortune--_that's_ what my present is."

  TOM: We Toms know what's going on.  

> 
>         "Your future, then!" Jimmy continued. "I'll tell your
> future."

 CROW: [ As Tommy Fox ] Oh, I don't know.  What else you got?  

> 
>         "Good!" said Mr. Fox. "That's just what I want."

 JOEL: Oh, everybody gets a future told.  Why doesn't anyone ever just get a chocolate pudding?  

> 
>         So Jimmy Rabbit looked at his paw again.

  TOM; [ As Tommy Fox ] That's *your* paw.
 CROW: [ As Jimmy ] Sorry, little nervous.  

> 
>         "Beware of a dark man!" he said. "He'll make trouble
> for you if he can."

 JOEL: Darkman?  They're not rebooting _that_, are they?  

> 
>         "That must be Farmer Green," Mr. Fox remarked. "I
> shall have to be careful."

  TOM: But why would Farmer Green be all riled up?  

> 
>         "And I see a spotted person chasing you," said Jimmy.

 CROW: Oh no!  Someone with measles!  
 
>
>         Mr. Fox shuddered.

  TOM: Or worse, it's Little Dot!
  
> 
>         "Old dog Spot!" he said. "Hurry and finish! I must be
> running along."

 JOEL: He's got to hurry up and get chased by Farmer Green and his dog.  

>                  And he glanced over his shoulder as if he
> half expected to see Spot come bounding towards him.

 CROW: You know _Skeptical Inquirer_ is *all* over how this kind of harmless fortune-telling sends people into irrational spasms of activity.  

> 
>         "You are going on a journey," Jimmy Rabbit told him.

  TOM: [ As Tommy Fox ] Great!  I always wanted to lie down on top of 'Don't Stop Believin'!'

> "You are going to the other side of Blue Mountain. Beneath
> the great oak near the lake" (everybody had heard of the
> great oak)

 CROW: (But how many know the *true* story?)

>            "when the moon comes up to-night, you will find
> the surprise of your life.... That's all!" Jimmy said.

  TOM: Oh, and a mighty empire will be destroyed, don't forget that.  

> 
>         Mr. Fox thought it was well worth one cabbage.

 JOEL: Not worth a cabbage and a half, though.  There's limits.  

>                                                        And he
> went off wondering about that surprise.

 CROW: Oh, he's going to want a surprise party, isn't he?  

> 
>         Jimmy Rabbit told many fortunes that day.

 JOEL: And this is back before they invented fortune cookies so you know he was working for it.  

>                                                   And the
> last one of all was Henry Skunk's, because Henry was so slow
> in coming up the hill from the garden.

  TOM: You'd have thought the turtle would be last, yet ... 

> 
>         By the time he had reached Henry Skunk, Jimmy could
> think of nothing new to say.

 CROW: He could say 'Blarg jablonk flob horftipibble', that would be new.  

>                              So he began at the beginning
> again and told Henry Skunk exactly what he had said to Mr.
> Fox.

 JOEL: [ As Henry Skunk ] Why are you offering to tell me Tommy Fox's past?  

> 
>         And Henry seemed just as pleased as Mr. Fox had been.

  TOM: These two, they're like peas in a pod except for Henry missing all those teeth.  

> 
>         Then Jimmy waited for some time, because Fatty
> Raccoon had not appeared at all.

 JOEL: Fatty was ruined by how he cannot tell a cabbage from a lettuce.  

>                                  You see, Fatty had been
> trying and trying to bring a cabbage up the hill, to pay for
> having his fortune told.

 CROW: But uphill is not Fatty's big thing.  

>                          But before he was half way up he
> always grew so hungry that he had to eat the cabbage,

 JOEL: Whoops!

>                                                       and
> then there was nothing to do but go back for another.

  TOM: Did we write this paragraph?
 CROW: Fat jokes aren't fun when it's other people making them!  

>                                                       So poor
> Fatty never had his fortune told at all.

 JOEL: Which is wild considering you could predict 'lunch' pretty well.  

> 
>         The next day Jimmy Rabbit heard that Mr. Fox and
> Henry Skunk had had a terrible battle on the other side of
> Blue Mountain,

 CROW: Oh, that's a shame.  I was hoping they'd have a good battle.  

>                just as the moon came up. It was said that
> each thought the other was spying on him.

 JOEL: And over this they fought? 
  TOM: This valley needs better pointless squabbles. 

> 
>         Jimmy Rabbit was the only person who knew how it had
> come about. And _he_ wouldn't tell.

  TOM: Ohhhh!
 CROW: Oracle of Delphi over here giving a knowing nod.  

> 
>         [Illustration]

 JOEL: This really clears up the whole thing.  

[ End of Chapter 15 ]

-- 
                                                                Joseph Nebus
 Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

Back to alt.tv.mst3k | Previous | Next | Find similar | Unroll thread

Thread

MiSTed: The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit, Chapter 15 (1 / 1) nebusj-@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus) - 2025-11-27 07:13 +0000

csiph-web