MiSTed: The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit, Conclusion (1 / 1)

From	nebusj-@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus)
Newsgroups	rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k
Subject	MiSTed: The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit, Conclusion (1 / 1)
Date	2026-01-08 23:51 +0000
Organization	PANIX Public Access Internet and UNIX, NYC
Message-ID	<10jpfun$d7a$1@reader2.panix.com> (permalink)

Cross-posted to 3 groups.

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[ SATELLITE OF LOVE DESK. JOEL wears weasel ears and hat, in as shoddy a Who Framed Roger Rabbit weasel costume as can be managed. JOEL is trying to fit similarly flimsy raccoon ears on TOM SERVO. GPC wears pink bunny ears and a red sleeve around her hose, and CROW wears a little orange beak on the end of his beak and an Indiana Beach Amusement Park t-shirt. ]

TOM: Why do you always cast me for the fat roles?

JOEL: It's ... um ...

GPC: Your gravitas!

TOM: Oh, well, then ---

CROW: And gravity!

TOM: THAT'S IT! I'm getting a better part. [ TOM hovers out of frame. ]

MAGIC VOICE: And so the residents of Pleasant Valley enjoyed another day of Jimmy Rabbit's schemes.

GPC: So that's Frisky Squirrel lined up ten people to extract their own teeth and each is going to get ten more, Tommy Fox is trying to paint Mr Crow's dooryard, Fatty Raccoon's pounding on the dooryard to get some leggings ... what else can I get going on?

JOEL: [ Shaking a fist ] Oh, you ne'er-do-weel, you'll come to ill ends before long!

CROW: Hey, Jimmy, about that May basket you were going to hook me up with ---

[ Stage thunder --- someone banging baking sheets --- and a flickering offstage light interrupts CROW. TOM, underneath a bedsheet, and with a GPC-like hood on his head to look like her, rolls into the scene. ]

TOM: Jimmy! Jimmy Rabbit, I've found you!

GPC: [ Shaken ] Wh --- what? Who ---

TOM: It's me! I'm you! I'm YOUR FUTURE! I send my image through the portal of time to deliver a terrible warning of things yet to come!

CROW: [ Keeping character ] What does this have to do with my May basket?

TOM: You have to dial back your schemes! All these tricks, the compulsive shenanigan-makings, you're going to slip!

JOEL: I knew your bumfuzzling codswallop would lead to ---

TOM: [ As if scolding a child ] *Hush* a minute, Grumpy. *Rabbits* are *talking* here.

GPC: Aw, I can handle a few suspicious ---

TOM: IT'S NOT A FEW! It's everybody! Uncle Jerry Chuck talks to Henry Skunk about the dance lessons! Mister Turtle finds the fake wheelbarrow! Billy Woodchuck and Mister Mink intercept the hot water bottle trust telegrams! Jasper Jay interviews Farmer Green's gentleman caller! Everyone compares notes! _Frisky Squirrel catches on!_ They call in professionals! Do you know how long I've been on the run from Slylock Fox's grandfather Slyguste Fox?!

JOEL: Slyguste?

CROW: From Auguste Dupin, because there's no canonical name for Sherlock Holmes's grandparents. Keep up, will you?

TOM: Mister Crow gets it!

CROW: [ Saying each syllable carefully, the way Simon does in the Chipmunks Christmas song ] Naturally.

TOM: [ Stepping on CROW's line ] Anyway however long you think I've been running it's been twelve minutes longer than *that*! And now, younger me! Will you bring the clever schemes down to like a two, maybe a three for special occasions? Let people feel you being sincere? Show them you see them as more than playthings?

GPC: I --- I --- is this a prank?

TOM: You see! THIS! This is why you have to change, and change for good! And for *the* good!

GPC: I'll ... I'll do it! I'll cut my scheming down to where it's actually helping!

JOEL: I'm speechless!

CROW: I'm baffled!

TOM: And I'm --- [ TOM wiggles to make some of the sheet brush against JOEL ] Little help here, Grumpy?

JOEL: Oh, yeah.

[ JOEL sweeps off the bedsheet and tosses it over CAMBOT, just long enough to cover an edit, and when it falls we GPC, CROW, and JOEL as before, but where TOM was is a second GPC. ]

SECOND GPC: [ With TOM's voice ] I'm Jimmy Rabbit!

GPC: And I was my brother the whole time!

CROW: And I don't understand any of this!

GPC, SECOND GPC: Gotcha!

CROW: What? Who? Who got what? Why?

JOEL: Another hornswoggle!

GPC, SECOND GPC: Better push the button!

CROW: What are things and why so many?!

[ JOEL hits Movie Sign or something ]

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Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters, its setup, and whatever else I'm overlooking are the property of some company, I'm thinking Satellite of Love LLC but if I'm wrong, so be it. Arthur Scott Bailey's novel _The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit_ belongs to you, me, and all of us, as it's been acquired by the public domain and is free for use in any way that inspires your imagination. If you have no imaginative way to build upon Bailey's legacy then just make fun of it a bunch, that'll be fine.

> And he reached
> into the basket for the third egg. "It certainly can't happen
> again," Henry told himself. And he bit the third egg with all
> his might.

[ The End! ]

--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
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MiSTed: The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit, Conclusion (1 / 1) nebusj-@-rpi-.edu (Joseph Nebus) - 2026-01-08 23:51 +0000

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