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Incest is best

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My mom used to yell at me and my brother for the way we'd play with our 
sisters. "Don't be so rough with them!" she'd say. "Keep your hands to 
yourself!" she'd scream. "Jesus, Danny, get your tongue out of her mouth!"

Maybe mom wasn't ready for it, but I think I was on to something. Our 
society has built up walls where we should be breaking down barriers. We 
are instructed to love our family members but discouraged from expressing 
this love physically.

We grow up drinking our milk from our mothers' breasts but are forced to 
stop before we both can enjoy it. We've stigmatized otherwise innocent 
words like "incest" and "inbreeding" and "motherf-cker." As Susan Powter 
would say, it's time to stop the insanity.

These days, everybody's talking about the breakdown of the American 
family. No more family dinners, parents who don't know their children, a 
loss of traditional family values.

Some will say it's because our women have returned to work; others because 
technology has limited the time we spend with each other. Regardless of 
the cause, I think we all can agree that the way to fix these problems is 
sex.

But sleeping with your family members has benefits beyond just restoring 
family values. Think of how much easier it will make your life. Instead of 
coming home from work and scouring Craigslist for hours trying to score a 
quickie, you can look forward nightly to some sweet familial satisfaction.

And it cuts down on travel time extensively. You thought the girl next 
door was convenient? Imagine the girl down the hall! With the money you 
save on gas costs alone, you can probably buy the house a sweet hamster. 
And that kind of generosity to the family will definitely score you points 
with the sis.

As if that's not enough, the sex is simply better. It's well documented 
that people find themselves irresistibly attractive. And who looks more 
like you than your genetic equivalents? Translate that sexual tension into 
a wild time in the sack.

Plus, we're much better at articulating demands if we're comfortable with 
our partner. Remember how back in summer camp in seventh grade you shared 
a bunk with that really smelly kid but couldn't muster the courage to tell 
him to shower? Well think of all the times you've called your sister a 
smelly bitch and just imagine what that comfort level could do for the 
sex.

And you've gotta admit, there's something hot about tasting the forbidden 
fruit, about enjoying the one thing society says you can't have. First 
timers, get ready for some toe-curling.

Having sex with your family members makes sense on a deeper, more 
psychological level, too. It combines the emotional aspects of the most 
deep-rooted bonds with the most physical act of bonding that two humans 
can share. Even Freud would say it's a win-win. If we spend our lives 
searching for a mate to replace our mothers or fathers, can we do better 
than to pick our siblings? I don't think so. And you can say goodbye to 
in-laws, which is always a plus. I honestly wonder how this never took off 
before.

Now I understand that a lot of people might have some hangups about this, 
and it's difficult waking up after the first time and realizing you just 
nailed your sister. But the key to finding incestuous pleasure lies in 
releasing yourself from societal inhibitions and allowing yourself to 
relax.

Yes, it's just like anal. And just as anal isn't the extent of any 
couple's sexual regimen but rather a healthy enhancement, familial 
relations should be, too. So reject narrow-mindedness, open yourself up to 
the possibilities, and explore the world of physical pleasure that lies 
right there within your own front door.

Feeling homesick will never be the same again.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/2006/02/23/14591/

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Incest is best Davey Espstein <depstein@columbia.edu> - 2024-01-01 09:19 +0000

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