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Obama visits Chipotle, pledges to bring more viruses to US

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BOSTON, MA -- Yet another Mexican food chain became a victim of 
ethnic profiling by food-borne stomach viruses this Tuesday, 
when 80 Boston College students were sickened after eating at a 
nearby Chipotle restaurant, said a representative of the 
Movement for Nutritional Justice, a civil rights group 
monitoring cases of digestive inequality and oppression. The 
media was quick to call this "the worst attack since Taco Bell," 
referring to the 2006 E. coli poisoning spree.

Movement for Nutritional Justice organized a rally today 
protesting what they describe as a racially motivated assault by 
food-borne microorganisms, pointing to a pattern of 
discrimination against Mexican food chains, and demanding an 
equal redistribution of food-borne diseases in all ethnic 
restaurants.

They were joined by a number of virus and bacteria advocacy 
groups who expressed grave concerns over a possible backlash 
against all viruses and bacteria, many of whom had nothing to do 
with the Chipotle "lone wolf" outbreak, and urging Americans to 
stay away from using hand sanitizers and performing similar 
actions "driven by fear and Virusophobia."

The protesters held dozens of printed signs that blamed 
Virusophobia on propaganda by big pharmaceutical companies who 
profit from our fears by selling antibacterial products. 
Statements in other signs ranged from "don't blame all viruses 
for the actions of the few" to "embrace fever and vomiting as 
symptoms of diversity," "diarrhea to those who say viruses cause 
diarrhea," and "Virus will dominate the world." These somewhat 
contradictory signs were often held by the same people, many of 
whom seemed to share membership in all of the attending groups.

The responsibility for the Tuesday attack was claimed by 
Norovirus - a little-known group of stomach viruses who experts 
say are not affiliated with the notorious international 
syndicate of E-coli bacteria, known for the recent simultaneous 
attacks that made 52 people in nine states sick after eating at 
Chipotle restaurants.

While the methods and modes of operation of both groups are 
similar - diarrhea, stomach cramps, and fever - experts claim 
that Norovirus is far more likely than E. coli to cause vomiting.

It remains unclear whether the Chipotle attackers acted on their 
own or in direct contact with the virus command center, but a 
Facebook post on the Norovirus page, now removed, praised the 
attackers for promoting the global state of diarrhea. The post 
also contained a group photo of the attackers, showing them 
under a sign with the words "Virus will dominate the world," 
similar to the signs at the rally only much smaller.

U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch pledged to a virus advocacy 
and lobbying group that she would take aggressive action against 
anyone who used "anti-Virus rhetoric" that "edges toward 
hygiene."

Speaking to the audience at the Virus and Bacteria Advocates' 
dinner at a generic ethnic restaurant, Lynch said her "greatest 
fear" is the "incredibly disturbing rise of anti-Virus rhetoric" 
in America and vowed to prosecute anyone guilty of advertising 
anti-bacterial hand soaps, bleaches, and other household 
cleaners.

President Obama addressed the nation today from Chipotle Grill, 
stating that "viruses and bacteria are woven into the fabric of 
our country since founding" and asking Americans to restrain 
from Virusophobia.

"If we begin to complain about vomiting, if we hate diarrhea - 
that's not American. That's not who we are," the President said, 
pledging to bring thousands more viruses and bacteria into 
American neighborhoods by the end of his presidency.

http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/obama-visits-chipotle-
pledges-to-bring-more-viruses-to-us-t17295.html
   

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Obama visits Chipotle, pledges to bring more viruses to US "Gnute Sporkem" <gnute@burritos.mx> - 2015-12-16 20:36 +0100

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