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| From | jlodder@ripco.com (John Lodder) |
|---|---|
| Newsgroups | alt.stupidity.spatch |
| Subject | Re: Now--after a four-year sleep--almost undectectable changes... |
| Date | 2017-03-13 21:51 +0000 |
| Organization | The Typo Exchange |
| Message-ID | <oa749a$48$1@remote5bge0.ripco.com> (permalink) |
| References | <uvOdna21G-uFjFrFnZ2dnUU7-dWdnZ2d@earthlink.com> |
In article <uvOdna21G-uFjFrFnZ2dnUU7-dWdnZ2d@earthlink.com>, William A. Wilkinson <billwilkinson@mindBOINGspring.com> wrote: > The alt.stupidity.spatch FAQ > Ver. 2010 > Written by Adam Jewell (amp), Chester Karma, and Bill Wilkinson. > (Plus 15 minutes of fame by John Lodder.) > Created 11/29/98...Hey! that's my sister's birthday! > Last modified 03/13/17 by Bill Wilkinson. > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > > "Kinda like alt.stupidity, but...well, kinda like alt.stupidity." > > \|/ >-POP- Hi! > /|\ > >Bill Wilkinson here. CkCk and amp wrote the early versions of this >FAQ. Since those two have disappeared into the Shadows, I've taken >over the FAQ and--in an anal sort of way--tried to add stuff to it >and tie it all together so that it all makes sense. I think you'll >agree that the resulting patchwork can be compared to one of Mary >Shelley's worst nightmares. > > >TABLE OF CONTENTS > >1. Introduction >2. Who designed that neat ASCII sine wave? >3. Can I read amp's version of this FAQ? >4. Who wrote the original alt.stupidity.spatch FAQ? >5. Why are you now maintaining it? >6. Why does Spatch sign himself tv's Spatch? >7. Why doesn't Spatch post to alt.stupidity.spatch? >8. Okay, here's the ObQuestion: Who are the regulars in a.s.s? >9. That's it? No Web links or anything? Not even a clever closing > statement? >10. Who is the Hairnet Man? >11. Why all this talk about Hairnet Man? This is supposed to be a FAQ > about Spatch! >12. When is Spatch's birthday? >13. Spatch is on MySpace? >14. Spatch is on Facebook? >15. Have there been any Spatch sightings lately? > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >1. INTRODUCTION > > Allow me to introduce myself. > > (Bill hands you his card. You look at it. It is blank except > for the words "My Card.") > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >2. WHO DESIGNED THAT NEAT ASCII SINE WAVE? > > Amp did. > > 2.A. Who's amp? > > He's one crazy Irishman. Don't mess with him. > > He also semi-wrote the original version of this FAQ because > Chester Karma Chester Karma took so much time before writing > it himself. > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >3. Can I read amp's version of this FAQ? > > SURE! Just read the following and avoid the bouncing ball! > > 3.A. The following is an update to amp's portion of the FAQ. It > looked okay to me, but he wanted it updated and he is--after > all--one of the original authors. Here's his reasoning, > followed by the update. Sheesh. :-) > > >25 Sep 2000 > >Hello Bill old chap, what ho and all that jazz. > > > >I noticed that the part of the FAQ I originally > >wrote had got borked in the formatting department cos > >the line width I orginally used was too long. So > >through a huge personal effort and sacrafice I have > >done a wee tidy on it. > > > >amp > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- >(amp speaketh) >Finally after a million billion years of waiting I present, the >alt.stupidity.spatch FAQ!!!!! > _________ _________ _________ > / ___ / / ____ / / ____ / > / /__/ / / /___/_/ / /___/_/ > / ___ / /_____ / /_____ / > / / / / / /___/ / / /___/ / ... and bacon > /__/ /__/*/________/*/________/* Version Orange.banana.0 > The Best ASS FAQ You'll Ever Get!(tm) > (Temporarily maintained by amp until Chester gets back) > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- >``'-.,_ >amp: Hi, I'm your host amp and for the next couple of pages we'll be > looking at your newsservers ASS. Its mystery, its intrigue, the death > and the mutilation to name but a few words that happened to pop into > my head. With me are some of the cast of ASS in their virtual form. > In other words it's like I'm making them up. WHICH IS ACTUALLY THE > CASE!!!! Isn't that right Ross? >Ross: No. >amp: So I'm not making you up. >Ross: Yes. But I am making you up. >amp: I'm confused now. But that's just what your ASS is all about. > Isn't that right Bill? >Bill: No. >amp: What? >Bill: Exactly. >amp: Umm... And now we must answer the question. Where? why? what? > who? and most importantly Huh? (tm Nosy). To answer that question > of Where? we must first look at alt.stupidity. Where is it? It's > on Antelope Freeway. So, Per, does this mean your ASS is on a road > leading off this Freeway? >Per: hmm... about half a henway. >amp: What's a henway? >Per: Three trillion triangular tons. >amp: Nice alliteration. >Per: Thanks, I try. >amp: Ok, now that we've sorted out the Where? we must now ask > ourselves WHY!!!??? WHY, SPATCHDAMMMIT IT!!!??? WHY!!!?? >Spatch: There's no need for me to dammmit amp. It's already dammmed! > Besides look through the magic webpage hole in this post: > >From http://www.spatch.net/doing.html > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Yes, I've got a newsgroup of my own. It's not a vanity thing, > it happened one night on IRC when Tjames Madison > (of alt.usenet.tjames fame) and I were really bored and he > newgrouped it. > Contrary to popular belief, it was discussed on > alt.config for like all of 2 posts, in the middle of a big > old crosspost tirade. Ohwell. Anyhow, this group is propagated > enough, and Chester Karma himself is writing the FAQ > for me. I wonder what will be on it. I guess we'll find out > together. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > >amp: Thanks Spatch. That's made it all clear now. We are indeed > finding out together. It's almost like a Christmas Coca-cola > ad (with capybara's instead of polar-bears). Hopefully your > not so virtual self will give the nod to this ASS FAQ. > Moving on to the question of What? What exactly goes on > in your ASS? >Magnus: More or less what goes on in alt.stupidity only with a > slightly more orangey tang to it. >John: I'd have said more like, honeysuckle. >Paal: Ironing boardy, definitely ironing boardy >Cabbage: People, people! IT'S A BISCUIT! NOT, I REPEAT, NOT, A BAR! > >*Panic ensues* > >amp: Well now it's time for the ASS FAQ to go to bed. We hope you > enjoyed your time here and please, don't have nightmares. Also > if you got some get rich schemes or flamewars why not put them > in your ASS?! > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``' > >For possibly a longer, better and certainly funnier FAQ but with out >all the silly ASS references try: >http://www.lib.ox.ac.uk/internet/news/faq/archive/stupidity.faq.html >It's Spatchtastic! > >-- >__ ______________________________________________________________ >\ \/ __"Siant V Tar The World!!!" Anti-Jn General Amp of Mars \ > \ / \v4.03|McQ!McD! McBOOOOOM! - http://homepages.iol.ie/~adamj \ > \/ ³¬ \PANEITY: The state of being bread- Chambers Eng. Dictionary\ > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >4. Who wrote the original alt.stupidity.spatch FAQ? > > Chester Karma Chester Karma write it. > > Heads up! Here it comes!!! > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >The long-awaited alt.stupidity.spatch FAQ > >Author: Chester Karma > >I've spent the last 2 years of my life in Tibet, researching >and collecting data for use in this FAQ! It's my magnum opus! >It's my War And Peace! It's my USA Today!!!!! > >And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... >The alt.stupidity.spatch FAQ! > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------- > The alt.stupidity.spatch FAQ > version 1.0 >-------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Q1. What's all this, then? > >A1. It's alt.stupidity.spatch, duh. > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >cK - who feels as if a great weight has been lifted off his shoulders > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >Thank you, cKcK. Bill here, again. > >Now, on with the rest of the frequently-asked questions... > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >5. Why are you now maintaining it? > > Maintaining what? > > 5.A. The alt.stupidity.spatch FAQ, idiot. > > Becasue. > > 5.B. Oh. > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >6. Why does Spatch sign himself as tv's Spatch? > > Funny you should ask. On 1/13/00, Spatch sed this about that: > > "The name Spatch comes from the abbreviation for spatula; the > tv's comes from MST3K and the fact that we had that cable access > show for a while." > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >7. Why doesn't Spatch post to alt.stupidity.spatch? > > As of 01/17/00, his ISP didn't carry the newsgroup. You can > occasionally find him in the alt.stupidity froup, though. > > 12/02/00: Sometime a few months ago he slapped somebody there > upside the hed with a slab of bacon and now he can post here. > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >8. Okay, here's the ObQuestion: Who are the regulars in a.s.s? > > I was waiting for that to come up. It's a short list since very > few people know about us. > > * amp > > From alt.stupidity. Doesn't post much anymore. > > * Bill Wilkinson > > From alt.stupidity. Posts far too often. > > * Chester Karma (if that's his Real name) > > CkCk. From alt.stupidity. Doesn't post much anymore. > > * Jen > > twtsmom is the Ambassador to alt.stupidity.spatch from > alt.smouldering.dog.zone. > > 8.A. Huh? (tm Nosy) twtsmom? Ambassador? > > The Wonder Toddler's Mom. > > Let's just say for now that a.s.s. and a.s.d.z. almost got > into a flame war once, but then decided that we liked each > other. More information will be forthcoming once all the > documents have been declassified. > > 8.B. By popular demand, Jen is now a naturalized official > spatch.stoopidian. The first in this Froup who can claim > dual citizenship here and in the Zone (12/02/2000). > > * Jesper Nilsson > > Signs himself Anti-JN since Stoopidian Jason Nafziger claimed to > be JN. Several years ago, Anti-JN designed the critter that now > graces the proposed alt.stupidity flag that various people think > is a hamster, a rat, or a seagull. He claims that it's merely #4 > in a series of fluffy things he'd like hanging on his wall. > > * Jessica Augustsson > > Jez has been posting to alt.stupidity and alt.stupidity.spatch for > years and years and years. For reasons unknown to me, I haven't > put her into the FAQ until now. Perhaps my sudden change of heart > is due to John Lodder giving me a hard time about it. Or maybe it > was the growing uneasiness that Jez would stop liking me and > subsequently shorten my life span. > > Anyway, Jez is a scholar, a citizen of both the United States and > Sweden (something Anti-JN can't claim), and a multi-lingual expert > on Jabberwocky. One of her all-time greatest accomplishments was > her recent (3/7/03) putdown of Bucketmouth: "Don't listen to him, > John. He drives on the wrong side of the road." (I can say things > like that, cause he never reads this froup anyway.) > > * John Patrick Lodder > > A veteran of alt.stupidity for at least a decade. Heroically > attempts to keep sysadmins everywhere from removing a.s.s. from > their news servers. Though he and Jen have never met, they share > in common the fact that they've both seen the World's Largest > Globe of the Earth. > > 1/20/01: Sometime around the turn of the century, John and his > wife, Rochelle, went on vacation to the New England area of > the United States and met both The Wonder Toddler's Mom and > Spatch. A fun time was had by all and they had many interesting > adventures--including the first recorded sighting of the > Hairnet Man. > > * Magnus Mulqvist. > > From alt.supidity. Appears about once a week, replies to a lot > of posts in burst mode, then disappears for another week. > > * Mircalla Mordenheim. > > The alt.stupidity vampire. Spends her evenings practicing > astronomy, or something. Among her many accomplishments was > to help design the alt.stupidity flag. Especially the beaver > with the axe. Some trivia: According to Per Harald Myrvang, > "Mordenheim" is Norwegian for "murder a home." > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >9. That's it? No Web links or anything? Not even a clever closing > statement? > > Yup! For now at least. We never close. More later. > > Later: Links can be a pain for a FAQ to maintain. Try doing > instead a search on Googel or whatever the latest sooper-dooper > search engine is. > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >10. Who is the Hairnet Man? > > The Hairnet Man is a kind soul who--when you least expect it--will > help you when you're stuck in a stupid situation. You can recognize > him by the the fact that he wears a hair net and hip waders. The > first officially recorded sighting was reported right here in > alt.stupidity.spatch and was confirmed by a phone call from John > Lodder to Bill Wilkinson. > > Specifically, John was visiting New England at the turn of the > millennium and was trying to parallel-park a rented car into a > difficult spot when the Hairnet Man suddenly appeared and began > directing traffic for him. When the project was completed, the > Hairnet Man turned and ran off into a building--never to be > seen again. > > Later, in an AOL-type instant message, Spatch confirmed the > confirmation and added that it was the strangest event in the > area that he'd ever heard of. (And that was from someone from > the same part of the country that produced Lovecraft.) > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >11. Why all this talk about Hairnet Man? This is supposed to be a FAQ > about Spatch! > > Well, strictly speaking, it's a FAQ about Spatch's newsgroup; but > okay, ask a question about Spatch. > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >12. When is Spatch's birthday? > > According to this post, it occurs on or about January 21st: > > From: spatula@retina.net (tv's Spatch) > Subject: Re: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLOOOOO > Date: 1996/01/21 > Message-ID: <DLIr0G.Dsq@news.zippo.com>#1/1 > sender: usenet@news.zippo.com > references: <30FAD386.24C7@stinky.winkie> <4dk16n$f6p@vassun.vassar.edu> > organization: Giant Toad Supermarket > reply-to: spatula@retina.net > newsgroups: alt.stupidity > > nosmith@vassar.edu (Flapjack) writ: > > >flapjack-who recalls a Beckett play called "Breath" which, at thirty > >seconds holds the record for shortest play ever > > Well, for a quantum physicist, he's pretty hot shit, but for a > playwright, he's pretty sucky. > > - spatch, working on his birfday beer - > > -- > tv's Spatch, MSTie #43790 and the fifth Banana Split > "Frank, this is science, not Romper Room." - Dr. Clayton Forrester > "And he dug up her grave and built a cage with her bones." > - W. "Growl" Zevon > PAT BOONE MUST DIE. http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula > > And, according to MySpace, he was 32 years old in 2007, so it follows > that he was born on January 21, 1975. We think. > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >13. Spatch is on MySpace? > > Yes. <URL:http://www.myspace.com/derspatchel> But he doesn't show up > there too often. Not only that, he's also on Facebook. (Go on, ask > it. You know you want to.) > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >14. Spatch is on Facebook? > > I knew it! Yes! Look for > <URL:https://www.facebook.com/spatch> > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >15. Say, USENET is getting awfully quiet--and Spatch almost never shows up > here or anywhere else. Have there been any Spatch sightings lately? > > Funny you should ask that. John Lodder (of April in England fame) saw > him on a train platform in Chicago, during the Summer of 2010. Not like > one of those unconfirmable Elvis sightings, though. NosireeBob! Spatch > was passing through town and twitted Lodder. Here's the story in John's > own words: > > `'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-' > "Spatch was riding coasters at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, IL. > Due to an Amtrak schedule change, he had an extra day in Chicago. > He and a friend went looking for remanants of the 1893 Columbian > Exposition, which he tweeted. We then arranged over Twitter to meet > at a nearby Metra train station. Neither party recognized the other > at first and Hairnet Man did not appear (sigh). > > We had 15 minutes before their train to chat: who's still posting in > alt.stupidity, stupidians found on Facebook, spatch's activities > (writing radio plays, coaster stuff, visiting World's Fair sites). > Then the Metra train arrived and whisked them off. Whoosh. > > john." > `'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-' > > Alas, no one took pictures. > >`'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'-.,_,.-'``'- > >If you have suggestions about the alt.stupidity.faq (no flames or >profanity, please), email them to me at wxwilki@mindspring.com. Put >ALT.STUPIDITY.SPATCH FAQ in the Subject: line, or I might delete it >without reading it. Since there's too much spam out there, you might >also want to politely ask the spamkiller bot standing guard at the door >permission to contact me. > > --Bill > >Copyright 1998-2000, 2001-2007, 2017, Bill Wilkinson. Portions of this >FAQ are the property of the authors identified within. > > >========================================== Whoa... that's just... EPIC. -- "Oh, to be in England now that April's there" --RB My opinions are mine. All mine. Replete with very me.
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Now--after a four-year sleep--almost undectectable changes... "William A. Wilkinson" <billwilkinson@mindBOINGspring.com> - 2017-03-13 16:37 -0500 Re: Now--after a four-year sleep--almost undectectable changes... jlodder@ripco.com (John Lodder) - 2017-03-13 21:51 +0000
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